Am I underwater
I can’t breathe
I’m drowning in the crowd
My lungs fill up with paper
Of all my secret writings
I kept them locked in my heart
And the key is nowhere to be seen
That world I’ve kept hidden
Those words are forbidden to see the light of day
Not because of another’s eyes
Judging the unseen
But my own judgment
My own shrewdness toward my writings
It’s a never-ending torture in my mind
I look at my past with disgust
I think about my future with a crippling anxiety
What if I fail myself
Are my standards too high
And my dreams too big
What then
Do I settle?
Do I live my life on a what-if
What could’ve been
Do I blend in a place where I know I don’t belong
Because I’m already on the outside looking in
People look at me and see a confused kid
Even with my plaques
And my publishments
I’m always being led to victory
But never the leader
Nevertheless, I still see her
I still see the girl who wanted to be president
Who wanted to resident be a resident of stunning estates
Would not settle if things didn’t go the right way
Was not worried about tomorrow
Because she was living in today
The girl who believed she could do anything
No matter how hard
Who controlled the crowd
Exhibit her writings with no fear
I wish she was here to help me breathe
If only through her eyes I could see
A wonderful girl I would see
Everything she wanted I am
Anything she might dream of I could be
All that I have achieved
Even with my failures
I hope she would be proud
The key to my heart
If she could see me now
Author: C. Alexandria
Designer, developer, and digital content creator.